Comments on Stepfamily Sanctuary: Don't You Hate It When...

I hate it when, my ex wife blind sides me with a &...

2012-01-29T20:36:14.627-05:00

I hate it when, my ex wife blind sides me with a "I haven't been happy in years", right after building the big new house she wanted and investing a dozen years with the bitch. Now after fifty fifty, right down the middle equal time with the kids, she wants a check to boot. Well, that would have been nice but NOT!

Our ex was always like that with going to the movi...

2012-01-11T13:18:44.059-05:00

Our ex was always like that with going to the movies. She always had to be the first one to take the kids to the movies (we couldn't afford to bring the whole family to the movies anyway) but we did like to buy the DVD when it came out and watch it with them (more affordable and we had "family movie night" with the kids - we still do that:) We mostly had Tuesday nights for parenting time so us getting the DVD and watching it with them generally worked in our favor but on the occasion when dh didn't see them that Tuesday night, she'd run out and buy the DVD and show them first so when they came over next, they would have already seen it (never mind that she'd already taken them to the movies to see it anyway).

That always bugged me as well - mom bought this and mom bought that. They had no clue then (and it still never crosses their mind now and they're 16 and 19)that dad helped pay for it in mom's house PLUS provided them with his own birthday/holiday presents, plus clothes, vacations, etc. at our house too. However mom is perfect and dad is not important...bit of resentment.

Don't you hate it when...BM competes to be the...

2012-01-11T03:00:48.461-05:00

Don't you hate it when...BM competes to be the first to buy the kid a new toy or gadget but won't let the kid take it to his dad's house; BM says "Have your dad buy you one." Must a child have two of everything? Plus, what of the child support - it could be argued that dear old dad already bought at least half of whatever BM provides. Very nice BM, very nice - take all the credit for support then make dad look like the bad guy because he cannot or will not unecessarily provide his child with two of everything.

I just read I Hate His/Her Ex by Alex Cooper. You ...

2012-01-03T06:50:27.382-05:00

I just read I Hate His/Her Ex by Alex Cooper. You can get it on Amazon or other bookstores. It helped me to deal with so many issues that I had with my fiance’s ex - who I really hated!! Now, my relationship is perfect :) xxx

"....Don't you hate it when the clothes,s...

2011-09-20T10:51:42.434-04:00

"....Don't you hate it when the clothes,shoes, new toys, etc that you bought and let the kids wear or take to visitation end up torn up or not brought back at all? That is why my kids wear old clothes for visits unless the ex specifically says there is a special occasion..."

YOU bought? If the ex pays support, he bought it too. Not fair to send the kids in old clothes all the time! Dad helps pay for those nice things. So what if an item gets left or damaged? I'm sure items get damaged at your house from time to time too!

when your néw husband says he wants your kids to c...

2011-06-07T10:14:58.495-04:00

when your néw husband says he wants your kids to call him dad but whenever he gets mad and fed up he tells you to -get those kids and go somewhere else -

Don't you hate it when your husband expects yo...

2010-05-20T08:47:51.089-04:00

Don't you hate it when your husband expects you to discipline his children why he doesn't.

I hate it when I say something or post something a...

2010-05-18T22:04:57.194-04:00

I hate it when I say something or post something about having wonderful kids, the ex makes sure to add the "step" in there. Like I don't know they are my stepkids. She even made them write "step" above Mom on my mothers day cards...

Don't you hate it when your ex thinks that the...

2009-12-06T01:15:39.531-05:00

Don't you hate it when your ex thinks that the child is her's. As if she went to a sperm bank and got an anonymous donor. To boot, are just an incompitent babysitter who needs detailed direction about everything. The fact that you raised a wonderful niece already when her parents passed away was just a fluke.

My stepchildren ignore their father because that i...

2009-11-04T15:56:22.124-05:00

My stepchildren ignore their father because that is the "norm" that they have been taught by their stoic mother. If the mother (who is loved by her children of course)does not actively show her children that the father's support (financial or emotional) matters, and the mother is not remarried either.....then the kids don't have a role model in their daily life showing what it is to actively love and appreciate a man who supports them and loves them. The mother teaches these children that it is okay to just expect the father to be a bank...to pay what the court requires and not have any appreciation for the fact that he does this everytime ontime and continues to tolerate being ignored despite his heart breaking that he is not with them.

I am hoping this period (the last few years) of ac...

2009-11-03T12:20:07.651-05:00

I am hoping this period (the last few years) of acting like they could care less about their dad, me, and their four siblings is just a stage too. I tend to think it is more that their mother finally manipulated them enough that they gave into her.

Without my husband's full support, there is no way I could've made the marriage work. His ex and his kids wouldn't be worth years of hell if he wasn'tgoing to stand by me. No way.

I hate when my husbands ex was never a mother to h...

2009-10-27T02:31:18.818-04:00

I hate when my husbands ex was never a mother to her two sons until she found out we were getting married. She never called them, came to visit them or even send them a card. She was never asked to pay support, yet I worked my butt off to make sure they had what they needed for school, clothes and food. Their father took care of all the other bills. She has the nerve to tell them that I am "nothing" and they do not have to listen to me or my rules. And if I yell at them to tell me off! I have dealt with a lot of bs with her and a lot with my husband. My ex always paid support, and helped my daughter out with what ever else she needed. If we ran into a big expense, such as braces, he would call and volunteer to help pay for it. She would not even buy them one lousy pencil for school!! After years of this, my house is a mess cus I refuse to pick up after these two teens and I refuse to fix what they break. I let my husband do it (haha). I also get a lot of disrespect such as "don't expect me to get down on my knees and kiss your feet" when I ask one to take out the garbage! My husband tells them not to do that with me, but with him it is ok to do that, cus he is more patient! I am at my wits end and just hide in my bedroom and sit on the computer whenever anyone is home, just to avoid arguments and insults. I never thought it would be like this!! I don't regret loving them when they were younger, but I find it hard to have that same lovingness with them now. Everyone keeps saying it is a stage and they will see things and appreciate things later in life. I'm not that sure about it. Not with the garbage their mother tells them about us and what she lets them do when they are with her. (it would curl your toes if I had the time and room to tell you about her)! I'm sorry for crying on everyone's shoulders, but thanks for the outlet!! Any advice would be great!

Anonymous... I would imagine most of the posts o...

2009-09-11T19:57:11.943-04:00

Anonymous...

I would imagine most of the posts on here are from women because not many men get online and express their feelings on a blog, especially one that is pink.

As in most families, that are strong anyway, both parents usually work together. Because you don't see men represented on here in no way reflects that the man is doing absolutely nothing for his children or the family. You're making a huge assumption that the father is doing nothing while the woman runs things. I'm not sure how it works in your family but in mine, both of us share responsibility and work together. It's called a marriage. Going on 14 years now, I'd say it works for us.

"Allow" them to be? That implies that the man must be whipped and not allowed to do anything. Wow, women must have a lot of power! I'd like to get me some of that. You don't have a very high opinion of men with kids (or the woman they choose to have in their lives). Sorry to hear that.

I think it is amazing that most of the post on her...

2009-09-11T19:19:56.487-04:00

I think it is amazing that most of the post on her are from Women, where are the fathers. Why can't they make the situation better for their children. Why is it always the girlfriend, fiance', new wife, old wife, 2nd, 3rd, 4th wife that is "trying" to blend the family. Allow these "wonderful" men and fathers to be such and you might just see the entire situation turn around!

Yeah, we get a lot of "you are not fulfilling your...

2009-04-13T18:20:00.000-04:00

Yeah, we get a lot of "you are not fulfilling your obligation to the children" when we told her we couldn't take them for half of spring break because we were going on our honeymoon. But, she has no problem with constantly asking us to take them on weekends that aren't his so she can go out of town for a girls' weekend or has company coming into town.

...that the ex uses the children as pawns in her s...

2009-03-27T17:08:00.000-04:00

...that the ex uses the children as pawns in her sick game but will "pawn" them off on her parents/babysitters/neighbors/hobos every chance she gets!

Your DH's ex talks badly about you to the kids and...

2009-03-25T11:02:00.001-04:00

Your DH's ex talks badly about you to the kids and continually sabotages any opportunity for a relationship with the them. She tries to control the household from afar. She endorses and encourages 'hatred' in them. She's the one who left. why didn't she regret her decision before DH and I married. Oh, she wasn't threatened then.

Your DH's ex talks badly about you to the kids and...

2009-03-25T11:02:00.000-04:00

...when you (the new wife) are truely suffering at...

2009-02-12T11:28:00.000-05:00

...when you (the new wife) are truely suffering at the hands of the ex-wife, working your butt off to be the best step-parent and newlywed you can be, and ask someone for advice they say "well, you married into it!" That's about as helpful as saying "well, you knew your job would suck when they hired you"!!!!

... you, as the new wife, are automatically assumm...

2009-02-12T11:24:00.000-05:00

... you, as the new wife, are automatically assummed to be a homewrecking whore (even if the facts and dates prove otherwise) just because you are the "new wife"!

... the ex wife gets away with murder because 1. "...

2009-02-12T11:21:00.000-05:00

... the ex wife gets away with murder because 1. "She's the mother of those children" (so she MUST know best, without question) or 2. "She's still hurt from the divorce" (years later, despite her new marriage) 3. Because she "has a disability/condition and can't help it" (she's mentally ill and doesn't take her meds, how is this ok?)

Don't you hate it when the ex who is responsible f...

2008-09-22T20:25:00.000-04:00

Don't you hate it when the ex who is responsible for paying child support think they have a say in how the child support is spent? Child support is reimbursing the other parent for what they pay out for everything. Don't you hate it when the ex and/or his or her latest love interest have the nerve to gripe about how the cp spends the support? Don't you hate it when the clothes,shoes, new toys, etc that you bought and let the kids wear or take to visitation end up torn up or not brought back at all? That is why my kids wear old clothes for visits unless the ex specifically says there is a special occasion. GROW UP PEOPLE AND YOU WOULD FIND YOUR LIFE MUCH BETTER IF YOU FOCUSED MORE ON YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR KIDS OR STEPKIDS INSTEAD OF BEING IN A PISSING MATCH OVER THEM. PARENT THEM AND LOVE THEM AND CHERISH THE TIME SPENT AND STOP DEMANDING AN ACCOUNTING OF THE WRONGS AND KEEP AN ACCOUNTING OF THE RIGHTS WHEN THEY ARE THERE TO GIVE YOU JOY. FROM A MOM WHO BELIEVES THAT A STEPMOM OR STEPDAD IS JUST MORE PARENTS TO LOVE AND SEE HOW GREAT YOUR KIDS ARE.

I hate it when my DH's EX brainwashes their kids t...

2008-09-17T16:02:00.000-04:00

I hate it when my DH's EX brainwashes their kids to hate me. I hate it when the EX writes a blog about me and uses my real name and allows the skids to leave nasty comments about me afterwards!