Stepmom Bill of Rights

>> Saturday, April 5, 2008


Stepmom Bill of Rights

The Stepmom Bill of Rights is very popular in the "step" world. You will find it posted all over the Internet. The original author is unknown. (If anybody knows who originated this, please let me know. I'd love to give credit.) This list is probably posted all over the United States on refrigerators everywhere. What it boils down to is basic respect. Respect the rules. Respect the relationships. Here is one version of it:

  1. Our marriage is our first priority, and we will address all issues together.

  2. I will be a part of the decision making process in my marriage and family at all times.

  3. People outside the immediate family, including ex-wives, in-laws, or adult children cannot make plans that affect my life without my consent.

  4. I will not be responsible for the welfare of children for whom I can set no limits.

  5. I must be consulted about which children will live with us, when they can visit, and how long they will stay.
  6. I will not solely be responsible for housework – chores will be distributed fairly.
  7. Others may not violate my private space at home, nor take or use my possessions without my permission.
  8. I will never be treated as an “outsider” in my own home.
  9. My husband and stepchildren must treat me with respect.
  10. I will be consulted on all family financial matters.

9 comments:

Anonymous March 19, 2009 at 7:13 PM  

I agree with all of these, but do have a hard time with number 5. While I do believe I should have a say about what happens while my SC are in my home, I do not believe I can ever say they cannot live here, or cannot visit at any time for as long as they/their father want. That said, I would like to see 'Stepkids Bill of Rights.' It sometimes seems like MY kids have no rights in their own home, whenever the stepkids visit.

Syn March 20, 2009 at 7:34 AM  

Anonymous: I would like to say I agree with you totally on #5 and in many cases, I'd have to say I agree (as long as the biological parent in the home is taking on the responsibility or stepparent if they agree to) except when a stepchild is violent towards siblings. My stepson had several years where he hurt his younger siblings to make his momma happy. He was angry, violent, and unpredictable. I was hiding the knives before his visits and sleeping with one eye open pretty much (with a baby monitor in the bedrooms too). When his doctor warned me he might hurt me (or our newborn baby) or she was afraid of sexual abuse, I had to put my foot down about his visits for awhile with his doctor and his therapist backing me up. Keeping all the kids safe was a priority; it couldn't be all about my stepson (like his mother has made his entire childhood spoiling the kid). My husband didn't stop his "visitation", he took my stepson out for the day closer to his mother's home, didn't bring him to ours for overnights for awhile.

My kids' rights were severely threatened during that time so I also agree with your last sentence. They had a right to a safe, healthy home.

Stick October 7, 2010 at 7:34 PM  

I don't like the list. It seems like she's a drill sargeant. Our blended family is much more like they are my own when they are here. No body has to consult with me to whether or not they can come over at an unexpected time. I would love to have them ALL the time. They will never be in my way.

Anonymous May 3, 2011 at 3:36 PM  

Thanks for an idea, you sparked at thought from a angle I hadn’t given thoguht to yet. Now lets see if I can do something with it.

Anonymous August 4, 2011 at 11:24 PM  

Hi there, I found your blog via Google while searching for a related topic, your site came up, it looks good.

Anonymous August 18, 2011 at 12:38 AM  

What an amazing list! I have asked for every single thing and still have none of them. It makes my life as a step parent impossible. There is no respect in my home or relationships. It a very sad and lonely world.

Kimberly HJMT- Snohomish, WA February 11, 2012 at 2:57 AM  

Love the list!!!! I guess its a starting point and if one wants to "give up" any of their rights...that is their choice. I assume that choice will be individual to each circumstance. Its like our bill of rights...#2 the right to bare arms...just because we have the right, we don't all choose to own a gun.

Kimberly HJMT- Snohomish, WA February 11, 2012 at 3:00 AM  

Love the list!!!! I guess its a starting point and if one wants to "give up" any of their rights...that is their choice. I assume that choice will be individual to each circumstance. Its like our bill of rights...#2 the right to bare arms...just because we have the right, we don't all choose to own a gun.

Kimberly HJMT- Snohomish, WA February 11, 2012 at 3:06 AM  

Also...this was written in the first page of Barbara Mullen Keenans book: When you marry a man with children, 1992. I assumed she wrote this from her research...but I am not sure.

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